Pickles make you smarter - It's science!

Eating up to 6 pickles a day can increase your IQ to the level of a genius - but don't overdo it, or you may find yourself at the bottom of the class. At pickle-school.

Scientists at the Faculty of Savoury Snack Studies at Rhyl University today published research that shows eating pickles every day significantly increases your mental abilities.

"We fed a chimpanzee a precisely controlled number of pickles a day, and measured its IQ by timing how long it watched The One Show on BBC1. By the time it was up to five pickles day, the chimp was flinging poo at the screen during the opening credits, and tried to kill itself. This equates to an IQ of over 170, or nearly three PE teachers."

However after a sixth pickle the chimp slumped into a torpid stupor. An RSPCA observer intervened when the poor animal found a Michael Mcintyre 'quip' faintly amusing, causing the research to be halted amid fears for its mental state.

These findings contradict advice from the National Chutney Association which advises limiting pickle consumption to none or fewer a day, while maintaining a healthy intake of spiced preserves - at least five 500g jars a day.