Dutch to Grow Space-Pickles - on the Moon!

Dutch scientists plan to grow pickles on the moon from mid 2015.

The Netherlands (the smallest, poorest, western-most region of Germany) is very cramped for space to grow food because for generations Netherlanders have been converting all of their arable land into cycle paths.

So much land has been lost this way that farmers have been forced to reclaim land from the sea using a technique called 'polder' which translates to 'Keeping the sea back by making precarious hummocks out of mud and sticks. Jesus - one big wave and we're done-for'

The Dutch space agancy KSM (Koninklijke Spacevaart Maatschappij) has commissioned a study into the feasibility of growing and pickling gherkins on the moon.

The study runs to almost three pages and discusses the engineering and logistical challenges that a permanent farming colony on the moon would pose:

• Dutch astro-farmers will need liquid-fuel thrusters fitted to their bikes to keep them from floating off into space. Or lead clogs.
• The moon's low gravity will tend to produce giant pickles which could mean 1m tall pickle jars become the norm. Ikea have been approached and asked to create bigger kitchen cabinets to compensate. 
• A jar of space pickles will cost one billion euros - about the same as a return train ticket from Birmingham to London.

The first phase of the project - Netherlanders sitting round a table ignoring everyone else and stridently insisting their opinion is the most important - is due to be completed in January. The science, engineering, manufacturing, crew selection and training will be done during the first week of February, leaving twenty weeks for astro-farmers to visit each of their friends and relatives with a bunch of flowers, and sit in a circle eating apple cake and drinking coffee saying 'Lekker, lekker'.